Random Ninjago Oneshots XD
by J.R.R. Not-Tolkien
Summary: Pretty much what the title says XD! Read the stories of the Ninja in their everyday and sometimes not everyday lives, from random conversations, bad haircuts, or just plain video game psychotics! Some of these are based on actual things that happen to me and my family, so I hope you enjoy the craziness! Latest One-Shot: Sleeping Types (Cover image is mine)
1. Food-Eater

**Hi, guys! Super sorry I haven't been updating much lately. I've been working on new stories, and trying to finish old ones, so yeah . . . How are y'all? Hope you're ready for some epic random weirdness, cuz this brain o' mine's going WACKO!**

 **This is an actual adaptation of a conversation between me and my brother, and it turned out the exact same way. I'm represented by Zane, and my l'il bro's represented by Kai. Everything else is made up.**

 **I've got more craziness on the way if you enjoy this! And see if you can catch the in-joke, even though it's pretty obvious, in the section where Cole and Jay are talking.**

 **Oh, and I forgot to mention: I'm changing my username. I will now be TitaniumMasterOfAquaLightning, a tribute to my three favorite Ninjago characters: Zane, Nya, and Jay! The ultimate dream team!**

 **So, see ya, and I hope you like this little one-shot! Like I said, I'm planning to put more, so I hope you likey!**

* * *

 **1\. Food-eater**

Kai covered his nose at the smell of the cat food Zane was dishing out to his pet. "Why does cat food have to smell so bad?" he complained, trying to wave away the unpleasant odor fumes.

Zane shrugged. "I wouldn't know, since I technically have no need for smell, but I choose to use it anyway," he said, rubbing Hermione on the head as she started to eat. "I don't think it smells as bad as all that, though."

Kai rolled his eyes. "You told me it reminded you of Spam the last time I rhetorically asked why cat food stinks," he pointed out.

"And it still does," Zane said coolly, getting up and sitting down at the kitchen table with his book. "And I'm certain that you'll say it doesn't, like you did last time."

"Well, then it doesn't smell like that," Kai said.

"Did I call it or did I call it?" Zane mumbled, setting down his book.

"I think you called it!" Cole called from the couch.

"That was a rhetorical question!" Zane yelled back.

"Rhetorical questions are meant to be answered!" Jay teased, also sitting on the couch as he and Cole were playing Lego Dimensions. "Aw, come on!" he complained as the Wicked Witch of the West killed his character. "Scooby-Doo stinks when it comes to fighting that witch!"

"Then choose a different character, Zap-trap," Cole said with a roll of his eyes. He pumped his fist in the air as his character knocked the stuffing out of the Wicked Witch. "Take that, broom lady! Batman is da boss!"

Jay face-palmed. Lloyd, who was interestedly watching their game, laughed. "Hey, Cole, you're stealing Jay's line!"

"I would never stoop that low to call the Wicked Witch of the West 'broom lady'!" Jay retorted. "At least he's got Batman. I can't find that character with the super cool lightning power, and until I do, I'm stuck with Scooby!"

"You mean the blue Ninja guy?" Cole guessed, once again fixed on the game.

Jay frowned. "Why is it that I always feel like I'm having an identity crisis whenever I look at that minifig?"

"Same reason I have an identity crisis whenever I use that black Ninja," Cole shrugged.

Zane rolled his eyes. "Good grief, haven't they figured it out by now?" he muttered.

"Figured out what?" Kai asked, confused.

"Oh, never mind."

There was a few minutes of silence while Jay switched his character from Scooby-Doo to Emmet, who was promptly blasted to smithereens by a blast of evil magic. "Take my advice, Jay," Lloyd grinned, "you're probably better off with Unikitty. At least she's got Rage Mode."

"But she can't fly!" Jay pointed out.

"Neither can Emmet," Cole snickered as Batman hit the Witch again.

"Brilliant!" Jay dove under the coffee table and produced a vehicle.

Cole gave it a skeptical look. "What good is the Ecto 1 when you haven't even upgraded it? Does it even have a flying mode?"

While Cole and Jay were busy bantering, Kai turned back to Zane, who was placidly reading his book. "Sooo. . . explain to me why you think cat food smells like Spam?"

Without looking up, Zane replied, "They're not too different, if you think about it. They're both technically processed, canned meat products. I'm not surprised they have a similar odor."

"How you can still eat Spam after noticing that is beyond my imagination," Kai mumbled under his breath.

"I can do many things while realizing a more peculiar side to them," Zane replied calmly, turning another page while he spoke.

"Then can't cats eat dog food?" Kai persisted. "Isn't it basically the same thing, only with different labeling?"

Zane frowned over the top of his book. "I'd honestly expect you to be more intelligent than that, Kai," he said. "Dog food has a different-uh-" He was getting so mixed up, trying to read and answer Kai's question and not get distracted by Cole and Jay's video game all at the same time, that he couldn't think straight. "-it has different ingredients that cats can't eat," he finished lamely.

"Garfield steals Odie's food all the time!" Jay called from the couch as the flying Ecto 1 with Emmet blasted the Wicked Witch clear to bedlam. "And he doesn't have any problems!"

"Garfield's a cartoon character!" Zane cried, dismayed as his own mind was going berserk.

"But other cartoon cats don't do that!" Now Kai was getting befuddled. "Why does Garfield steal dog food and eat regular human stuff-"

"-Because he's a food-eater!" Zane squawked.

The others looked at him, completely confused. Then, Jay couldn't stifle a laugh. "Duh, he's a food-eater," he said. "What else would he eat if he couldn't do that?"

Zane was so bewildered by his own idiocy that he just stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, trying to regain his thoughts. Then, he grinned stupidly at his friends. "Next time someone asks me a question like that," he said, "could someone else slap me before I answer?"


	2. I Hate It!

**YAHOOIE! I'M FINALLY DONE WITH SCHOOL! SUMMERTIME HERE I COME!**

 **Ah, it's so good not to think about schoolwork (ESPECIALLY MATH XP) for a full . . . two or three months? Meh, whatevs, IT'S BREAK TIME!**

 **Sorry I took so long to update this, I've got hilariously wonky ideas for oneshots, but my fingers won't let me put them on paper, y'know what I mean? This one is kinda crummy, but I promise I've got better ones on the way!**

 **Okay, three more things before we get started:**

 **1\. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT ON THE PREVIOUS ONESHOT! :D A extra-special shoutout to WispKunoichiOfFrozenAether, EchoesOnTheMoon, The Mayor of Ninjago City, Kairocksrainbow, vixenlovesninjago, JayaForever421, and LabRatFlutieKat for your comments on the previous chapter! I'm glad I made you guys laugh! :D**

 **2\. Y'know, this is a kinda funny coincidence. The last time I posted on this story, I had changed my username from "NinjagoMasterOfTheForce" to "TitaniumMasterOfAquaLightning". Now, the next time I update, I've changed my name _again!_ As you can see, my new name is "Titanium Jay and Electro Zane"! (Anyone notice my new profile pic, btw? XD) I'm not planning to change my username again (hopefully XD)**

 **3\. And this is not based off a personal experience this time. It's a problem that everyone has dealt with at one time or another, and at the time of the 'shot's writing, something that had been stuck in my head for two weeks straight!**

 **Welp, gotta go: hope you enjoy!**

 **Oh yeah, and be sure to check out the poll on my profile page! I'm planning to close it once I hit twenty votes!**

* * *

 **2\. I Hate It!**

While the Ninja were attempting to practice their battle stances, Senseis Wu and Garmadon noticed that they seemed a bit more distracted than usual.

Cole was frowning skeptically for no reason at all, Jay had his hands clamped over his ears and his eyes squeezed shut, Zane had a thoroughly agitated look on his face, Kai was absently tapping his foot to some sort of rhythm, and Lloyd, oddly enough, was distractedly snapping his fingers to the same rhythm Kai was tapping his foot to.

Sensei Wu sighed. "It appears your minds are on things other than preparing for a battle," he said to his flustered students. "What's troubling you?"

In the same breath, they exclaimed, "We've got this song stuck in our heads and we can't get it to go away!"

Sensei Garmadon frowned. "Is it the same song, or are you all experiencing the same problem?" he asked.

"No idea whether it's the same song or not," Jay squeaked, still with his hands fixed firmly over his ears. "But the main thing is, we can't make it stop!"

The two senseis glanced at Zane, whom they assumed might have a solution to the problem. "Don't look at me like that!" the Nindroid exclaimed, frustrated. "I'm so distracted by this irritating earworm that I can't think straight!"

"What's an earworm?" Lloyd asked nervously. "That's not a disease, is it?"

"Pixal, help me!" Zane pleaded desperately.

Pixal replied, " **An earworm is a catchy song or tune that runs continually through a person's mind.** " She was trying hard not to smile.

"What's so funny?" Zane demanded.

" **That you, of all people, would have the problem of a song repeatedly going through your mind,** " Pixal answered, stifling a giggle. " **You're a Nindroid, for goodness sake! Normal Nindroids don't have these kinds of problems.** "

"Well, I'm not your normal Nindroid," Zane retorted heatedly.

It was kind of odd watching Zane argue with someone the Ninja couldn't see, and they were momentarily distracted from their earworm problems while Zane kept shooting quick retorts to the teasing Pixal was torturing him with in his head.

Misako and Nya came abovedecks to see what was going on. "I heard tell that our Ninja are suffering from a dreaded earworm?" Misako inquired with a smile.

Her husband nodded. "This training day has got to be the most interrupted one of the week," he said, running one hand through his gray hair. "First it was the earworm that was distracting them all day, now it's the argument between Zane and Pixal. Do you have any suggestions?"

Misako shrugged. "The only thing that can come to mind is that earworms are usually caused by your brain trying to remember a song without the full lyrics. I suppose the best thing they could do is listen to whatever song's bothering them again, and then the earworm will hopefully go away, when the complete song is fresh in their minds."

Garmadon kissed his wife on the cheek. "Darling, you're a live-saving genius."

Misako smiled and kissed him back. "I know."

When the senseis presented Misako's solution to the Ninja, they practically broke the Ninjago speed record in their scramble to get below decks and to their iPods, computers, or other music-playing devices. Within minutes, music was blasting so loudly throughout the ship that the _Bounty_ shook with the sound vibrations. Nya clamped her hands over her ears and winced. "That's the song they had stuck in their heads?" she asked.

Misako nodded, and she smiled weakly. "I can understand why it was bothering them; it's a catchy tune," she admitted.

Later that day, Nya, Misako, and the two senseis heard the five boys doing karaoke in the living room with the door locked. It was the song they had heard when they were trying to cure their earworms. "Oh man, I've _got_ to film this!" Nya laughed, peeking in through the window in the door. "They're dancing?!"

What exactly did Nya see? Well, go ahead and type this into the browser bar or whatever you use to put in websites: _okaaay, it's not showing up. Okay, here's my solution: just type in the bolded stuff:_ **v =** **H** eartbroke **n** **6 z** ebr **A** s **I** n **Q** uilti **nG** e **x** ercies **M** oan (no spaces) There's your answer! :D


	3. Serpentine Advertisements

**Hey fellas! Another one-shot for ya! Well, kind of a one-shot . . . I'll try to explain XD**

 **These were, for the most part, developed by my younger siblings, and I just edited them, added some input, and typed them up XD I labeled the document they were in "Serpentine Advertisements", and that's pretty much what they are XD**

 **If you want a full catalog of Serpentine products, just let me know and I'll see if my good connections to the Serpentine (aka my li'l sibs) allow me to get a special edition, if this sampler has you interested XD**

 **Okay: time to respond to your reviews! Thank you so much JayFan67, the Mayor of Ninjago City, SwimmerNinja13, and Kairocksrainbow for your comments on "I Hate It!" Yah, "Y.M.C.A" is pretty dang catchy XD**

* * *

 **Now . . . what was I forgetting . . . oh yeah! I've been having this idea of doing a Ninjago version of the book _Anne of Green Gables_ , and I'm in a bit of a predicament: which of the Ninja should be the Anne character?! For those of you who have read _Anne of Green Gables_ , give me your input: which makes the best Anne character: Cole, Jay, Zane, Kai, or Lloyd?**

 **Okay, now that I've got that out of my system: on to the ads! XD Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Hypnobrai Surprise Eyes:**

 **Do you want to prank your friendsss? Do you want to ssseee the, um, _dazzled_ , looksss in their eyesss when they are sssurprisssed? Jussst ssstick thessse handy Hypnobrai eyesss in a gift box for your, um, _friend_ , and watch the magic happen!**

Cole-Ooh, look! It's a present from the Hypnobrai! I'm gonna open it.

(big red eyes stare back at him)

Cole-Ohhhhh! What's happening to my e-e-e-eyes . . .

 ** _Hypnotize your friendsss! Only five hundred bucksss an eyeball!_**

* * *

 **Fangpyre Fangs:**

 **Fffangpyre fffangsss are fffabulous and fffantassstic. Complete with vvvillain-ey vvvillainousss vvvenom! Thessse are totally not-tiresssome terifffic toyzzz! All right, I'll stop with the alliteration now . . . When you bite sssomeone, watch and be amazzzed at the magnificccent transssformation that followsss!**

Young Lloyd-*runs up to Jay* Hey, look Jay! I got these _awesome_ fangs! Are they too cool or what?!

Jay-Uh, dunno. They look kinda . . . familiar . . .

Young Lloyd-Lemme bite you with these!

Jay-*backs away* No-no-no-no-NO!

(bites)

Jay-What's happening to me?! I'm turning green-Oh, no, not again . . .

Young Lloyd: Sorry . . .

* * *

 **Venomari Perfume:**

 **Sssmellsss wonderful . . . Ssspray it on you, and experience your worssst nightmare! Comesss cheap: only three million dollahsss a bottle!**

Venomari-Thisss perfume isss essspecially for you, Misss Nya!

Nya-Well, um, thank you, I guess . . .

(sprays)

(Venomari snickerssss)

Nya-Aah! What is that?! AAAAAH! IPHONE 5! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

* * *

 **Constrictai Bonsai:**

 **Do you wanna add a little flair to your living room or garden? Do you think your houssse needsss a little more dignified greenery? Try buying our Consssstrictai Bonsssai! This lush, _living_ , miniature tree (which growsss, like, ssseven hundred feet in five sssecondsss) bringsss classs and, er, _calm_ to your living quartersss. (Oh, by the way, it ssstranglesss you, but meh, who caresss . . .)**

Zane: Interesting . . . a Constrictai Bonsai? Let me see the price tag . . .

(plant leaps up and strangles)

 **THE END. FINITO. ADIOS. BYE. ETC.**

* * *

 **Anacondrai Patented Grape Juice:**

 **It'sss a hot sssummer day, and you jussst wanna chill out . . . Try Anacondrai Patented Grape Juiccce! Guaranteed to make you feel like a whole new being! (Literally *sssnicker sssnicker*) Made with all natural ingredientsss: like Anacondrai sssweat and sssour grapesss! (Meh, that fox didn't want 'em anyway . . .)**

Kai-*pants* So hot . . . so thirsty . . . Hey, what's this? _Ana-Anacon-duh-rye_ -Oh, who cares? I'll just drink it anyway. *drinks* Ulp, ulp.

(glances in mirror)

Kai-AAAAAIIIIIYYYYYEEEEE!

Pythor-Heh, heh . . .

* * *

 **Serpentine Candy:**

Reese's Bites: _You bite them, they bite you!_

Hershey's Rattles: _You know how Hershey'sss Kissses are made? In one part, the chocolate goesss through tubesss, and the Kisss comesss out, with a "kisss" sssound. But with Hershey'sss Rattlesss, our candy makesss a rattling sssound. The ssscience behind it: we have packed poissson pelletsss into OUR candy! You bite into it and you get poisssoned! Isss that too cool or what?!_


	4. Four Types of Sleepers

**Okaaaay. . . um . . . how do I say this . . .**

 **Hi? I'm back? After six months? Without much of an explanation?**

 **Yeah, I'm back, and in true awkward TJ fashion, this is the first "story" I update! :D Yay! (I'm trying to play Animal Crossing: New Leaf while I'm typing this XD I got a 3DS XL in the a couple months ago - really wanna get Shadow of Ronin, but I have to wait DX)**

 **Anyhoo, I've had a nice six months to think and get inspiration, and I'm feeling a lot better about some things I had some trouble with. :) Happy-happy-happy.**

 **And be sure to expect more stories - both new and updates - in the future! (Not the near future, unfortunately - I'm going away to Yosemite next week and, well. . . yeah. You can probably figure it out XD)**

 **Anyway, here's a little bit of randomness I cooked up during my hiatus! It's weird, but I made a drawing to match it, so it works for me! :D (Unfortunately I haven't got it scanned in, but I hope to soon)**

* * *

 **3\. Four Types of Sleepers**

There are many different ways people sleep, or more specifically, the way they dress when they sleep, which partially affects how they act if you abruptly awake them. Four of those ways are shown in the Ninja household, when Lloyd and Nya conveniently happen to be away, and Sensei Wu conveniently has to wake up his sleeping students in the middle of the night.

* * *

"Wake up! There's no time to lose!" Sensei Wu's yell aroused his peacefully sleeping students, who, yawning sleepily and all in all not enjoying this rude awakening, stumbled out of their bedrooms and into the hallway.

The first one to leave his room was Cole, who represents _The Zombie Sleeper_. Despite the fact that they are often the heaviest sleepers, _Zombie Sleepers_ are usually the first ones up when awakened in a group of the four sleeping types I'm talkin' 'bout. A few of them, like Cole, happen to be sleepwalkers, which scare the heck out of you when you're sneaking down the hallway for a midnight bathroom break. They usually have extremely tangled bed hair, and have hand-me-down shirts and sweats for pajamas. They also often carry something from their bed, most of the time being a pillow they were trying to eat in their sleep, with them when they're called from their sleeping quarters.

"Ugh. . ." Cole groaned, stumbling out into the hallway and almost colliding into Zane. _Zombie Sleepers_ also temporarily lose the ability to speak coherently, and can only groan and mumble for about five minutes after being forcefully waked.

Zane muttered something under his breath as he stooped down to pick up the book he had dropped, nearly dropping over himself in his tired state. Zane represents _The Intellectual Sleeper_. These are characterized in groups by often being the second types to answer a midnight wake-up call, the minute or so spent in bed used to groggily calculate how many hours of sleep they got and how this will affect their moods when they wake up again the next morning (if they're lucky enough to even fall back to sleep).

 _Intellectual Sleepers_ don't really care what they wear to sleep, so they're usually clad in simple, plain shirts and sweats, usually with slippers and a short bathrobe tied over their outfit when they awake. They also often emerge from their sleep holding whatever book they happened to have been reading before calling it a night. They tend to have bags under their eyes, but appear to be relatively alert. However, they do not really have the ability to think straight, and thus spit out less intelligent (or intelligible) speech than they do normally when they try to talk. (Not that they always speak English XD)

"Huh?" Cole pointed to Zane's book, still not quite past the stage of communicating in sleepy noises.

" _Allegory Farm_ ," Zane replied, almost dazed, pointing to the book. It was actually _Animal Farm_ , but hey, his title also works. Kinda.

"What's going on?" Kai stumbled out of his bedroom, yawning loudly. Kai represents _The Sports Sleeper_ , which happens to be one of the more alert sleepers. _Sports Sleepers_ sleep light, which is confusing since they happen to be the third ones to wake up in groups. They are characterized by a lot of loud yawning and stretching of their limbs when they are awakened. They usually wear sports tank tops with loose running shorts and socks, which shows off their lean and/or muscular physique. They have the ability to speak normally almost a minute after they suddenly wake up, and do not show many facial signs of being sleepy.

Kai couldn't help smirking as Jay finally came out into the hallway, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and emitting small, dainty yawns. "And I wonder why you always look like an idiot in the morning," he smirked, thumbing at Jay's auburn hair, which was coiled tightly around curlers.

"I don't tell you how to do your hair, don't tell me how to do mine," Jay retorting snidely, flicking a grain of sleep in Kai's direction. Jay represents the sleeping type known as _The Fancy Sleeper_. _Fancy Sleepers_ are usually the last ones to wake up in groups, trying to catch a few more minutes' "beauty sleep" before they're called a second time. Although this is not particularly common in _Fancy Sleepers_ , a few, such as Jay, keep their hair curly or wavy by sleeping in curlers. They are also sometimes, but not often, characterized by wearing sleeping masks, long bathrobes, and silk pajamas. (Well, at least the wealthy, stereotypical ones do, anyway. Normal _Fancy Sleepers_ usually just wear nice matching pajamas, without silly patterns or anything like that) Decently nice slippers are also a common accessory. They can speak coherently quite quickly after an abrupt awakening, but their sentences are often interrupted by quiet, delicate yawns, and they constantly rub at their eyes to remove offending crusts of sleep. They also happen to be the type that is the most cross at being awakened at an unholy hour.

"What is it, Sensei?" Jay asked irritably, ignoring Kai's sniggers as he absently loosened one of his curlers. "This better be important."

"Lloyd and Nya have gone missing!" Wu exclaimed.

" _Ugh. . ._ " Cole muttered, facepalming.

"You forgot?" Zane stared blankly at Sensei Wu.

Sensei Wu may be a lot of things: a wise teacher, a boss dragonrider, and a rather poor businessman, but he is also a _Forgetful Sleeper_. These are not characterized by much, except that, while they are often wise and all-knowing during the day, they forget quite a lot if they happen to be awake at night. In Wu's case, he forgot―

"―Lloyd is visiting his parents, and Nya is putting in extra time at the Samurai X Cave," Kai reminded his sensei flatly.

"I can't believe my sleep was interrupted for a false alarm!" Jay complained. "Ugh! I'm going back to bed!" He stalked off down the hall and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

"Jay does not like losing sleep," Zane commented, a little stupidly. "I will follow his example and return to my room for more sleep." He too disappeared into his bedroom.

"Me too," Cole was able to spit out that one coherent sentence before he went back to bed.

Sensei Wu was left staring blankly off into space. Kai smiled ruefully. "C'mon, sensei, let's get you back to bed. And don't start sleepwalking again unless you _want_ Jay to maul you."

Oh, yes. Some _Forgetful Sleepers_ , like _Zombie Sleepers_ , also happen to sleepwalk. Forgot to mention that. :)

What sleeping type are you? Are you a _Zombie Sleeper_ , like Cole? An _Intellectual Sleeper_ like Zane? A _Sports Sleeper_ like Kai? A _Fancy Sleeper_ like Jay? Or even a _Forgetful Sleeper_ like Sensei Wu? You can mix and match the different sleeping types to fit yours if just the one doesn't match you.

For example, Lloyd is a _Zombie Intellectual_ _Sleeper_ , and Nya is a _Fancy Sports Sleeper_. Just so you know what types _they_ are. XD


End file.
